a models roaccutane journey

A model with an acne problem. Follow me on my roaccurate journey…

Month: October, 2012

Lets stick together

It’s not even lunch time and today already stinks!!
This morning I was offered a small part in a new movie but had to turn it down because of my acne! The problem with cycstic acne is that it is lumpy and therefore no amount of cover up will fully conceal the fact that you have a lumpy face! Photoshoots are fine because of the wonderful invention of photoshop but being filmed in HD…makes me shudder at the thought!
I was so angry at myself and my skin and quickly expressed my feelings on Instagram with this…:

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Just seconds later I was inundated with such lovely messages of support from other acne sufferers.
For those suffering acne alone I highly suggest that you get in touch or talk openly to a friend going through something similar. My loyal Instagram followers don’t only offer me messages of support but even write to each other on my wall-everyone’s so supportive of each other. We are just trying to get trough it together and teach each other things we have been taught.
Acne is psychologically distressing and those who haven’t personally experienced it do not fully understand what we are going through, however hard they try to help.
I pray one day we all are spot free!

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“Is dairy linked to acne?”

One of my lovely inquisitive Instagram followers asked me the question “do you think dairy is linked to acne?”.
I have heavily researched this topic and found that there is researched proof that dairy can in fact raise your testosterone levels and sugar can cause your insulin levels to spike.

It is widely believed that raised insulin and testosterone levels can both be a cause for acne in many people.

From personal experience, my blood tests, have indicated that my testosterone levels are higher than they should be and are most likely the predominant cause for my acne.
Having come to this conclusion I do not believe I am getting acne as a result of my dairy intake. I especially believe this as I don’t have very much dairy in my diet, even as a vegetarian.

Most of us consume dairy in many forms. Sometime we don’t even realise it.
Dairy, referring to the main source, milk. It is prevalent in our diet more often than we think. We use it to bake cakes and often munch on a milk chocolate bar. We also forget that we put the white stuff in our teas, coffees and hot chocolates! There is also cheese in infinite recipes.
I believe there is no such thing as hormone free milk. Milk is used to help things grow, including newborns in many species in their development stages.
Milk is full of anabolic hormones which contain androgens…including testosterone! Therefore if you drink a lot of milk, I’m guessing your testosterone level could be likely to increase and in turn may cause acne 😦
The other well known cause of acne is insulin which is also prevalent in our milk.

I am a vegetarian and unlike most I actually have a fairly low dairy intake which leads me to believe that dairy is definitely not the cause for raising my testosterone levels and in turn not the reason why I, personally, get acne.
Everyone’s body systems, skin and lifestyle are so different that it could be the cause of yours even though I do not think that it is the cause for mine?

If you believe your dairy and sugar intake could be causing your acne, then maybe cut out dairy from your diet for a few weeks and see if it helps?
Having said this, I actually believe a healthier way to do this is would be to have a well balanced an healthy diet whilst increase your estrogen rich food and in turn lessening your dairy intake rather than cutting it out all together.

(I have only looked into the testosterone and insulin being caused by milk as a dairy example. Insulin can also be spiked by a high sugar intake…maybe I will follow up with this another day 🙂 )

Spots drying out

Today my spots are all showing signs of drying out…beware of ickiness…

…the tops of the spots are literally dropping off. It’s rank but in a sick way I’m really excited. It’s the first sign of something really happening with my spots and I think it’s a positive sign!

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I have read all about the warning of dry skin and lips when taking roaccutane but I didn’t realise that my spots were going to dry out?! Does anyone know if this is a positive step?
My spots are still quite sore and itchy by the end of the day, but a lot less than they were earlier this week.
All in all…I feel this is a positive to an awfully difficult sore spotty week 🙂

What I miss…

Now that I have acne I miss:

1. Tying my hair up
I now hide my face behind my hair so people don’t notice my spots. Now it’s winter I have even taken to wearing a scarf to hide my lower face. I feel if my hair looks nice everyone will look at that instead of my spotty skin.

2. Wearing no make up
I never ever leave the house without a face full of make up. I have to be slathered in foundation and concealer to feel confident enough to leave the house. I even slap on the make up to go out for a jog. This may sound rediculous and self-obsessed to some but I simply can’t face the stares and I guess what may be going through people’s minds when they see my dreadful skin. I even have to put my make up on to walk my dog. In return my poor little dog has to wait to be walked and fed until I’m happy with my face 😦

3. Feeling confident
I have become so un-confident since having acne. I have become insular, introverted and self-conscious. I hate feeling this way, especially as I need e confident for my job (modelling and acting!). This lack of confidence has in turn begun to effect my work to quite an extent!

4. Smiling a lot
I used to smile but now, it takes quite a lot to make me 100% happy.

I can’t wait for the day my spots have disappeared!

Spots are shriveling up like an old olive

Today I have noticed my spots have all predominantly started to dry up and have become far less “productive”. I am viewing this as a positive thing 😀
I’m fairly certain that the fact the roaccutane is meant to lessen the production of our sebum and dries us all up these dried up spots will, I pray, have only one option…to heal! I also believe that with less sebum hanging about I will be producing less new spots…horrah 😃
Here is a picture of the left and right side of my face this evening, once of taken my name up off…

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I have also noticed there are a few empty patches with no spots…horrrrray.
…much more positive today. Thank you to my absolutely lovely Instagram followers for your positive and encouraging comments xx
( @roaccutanejourney )

My simple facial routine

Having spent a few years with acne I have been through almost every beauty product and regime that you can think of.
I have currently cut down to the most simple products that are quick and easy to use and with as little chemicals in as possible, so as not to cause any excess outbreaks than roaccutane would already cause.

In the morning I just wash with water, no soap. Dry my face with a fresh towel by dabbing rather than rubbing. When my face is 90% dry I rub a small bit of Balm Balm fragrance free baby balm (safe enough for a baby-safe enough for us acne sufferers) into my hands and thinly rub in all over my face. I then slather it all over lips really thickly whilst I get onto the long drawn out process of covering my spots with a bucket load of make up 😦
Whenever I’m on a shoot, filming or shooting the make up artist always puts a thick layer of lip balm on my lips before moving onto the make up then comes back to put lipstick on lovely soft lips 🙂 Unless I’m on a job I don’t personally wear lipstick but always slather Balm Balm over my lips…luckily I never get dry lips…until roaccutane took charge that is!
I have been using a new Maybelline foundation from the ‘Fit Me’ range. I only bought this last week but I’m absolutely loving it. It’s not too thick that I look as if I’m wearing stage make up, yet not too thin that it doesn’t cover the redness on my face. I also go on to conceal my spots with a ‘Dermacolor’ pallete and blend in until I’m happy.

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In the evening my spots begin to get angry, irritant and super painful. I’m not sure if this is the roaccutane doing its job over the day, my being in the London smog, or simply tired skin? Anyway, because of this I crave the thought of getting my make up off and washing myself clean.
I use Rimmel waterproof eye make up remover with a cotton wool pad on my eyes and it takes off my hard to budge waterproof mascara and eyeliner. I’ve been using this since I can remember and love it sooo much :p
I then use ‘Clarins – daily energizer cleansing gel’ by wetting my face with water rubbing the cleansing gel into my spots and make up then immediately rinsing off. I find this product manages to wash away most of my make up.
I have recently started using ‘Balm Balm – Witch Hazel Toner’ which works as a relieving treat for my irritant skin! (Read my last blog to hear all about it)

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Losing hope?

Today I am 3 and a half weeks into my Roaccutane and I am having many up and down days with the condition of my spots. Every so often I lose a little hope…often in the evenings when my spots have begun to get itchy and irritant. I feel as if Roaccutane is a testing patience game. I just wish I could see a dramatic difference right now to keep giving me hope.
My journey so far:

Week one: 20mg a day.

Week two: 40mg a day.

Week three: 60mg a day.

I am half way through the third week and I’m praying after another week at 60mg my skin will have got used to the dosage and really start to get to work and rid of these nasty acne beasts 😦

Every day I pray I wake up to clear skin…my prayers have not yet been answered 😥

Witch Hazel to help?

Every evening at about 4/5pm onwards my skin begins to get itchy and irritant.

Balm Balm have suggested I use their Witch Hazel toner. I have been using it for about 4 days so far and am loving it.

After I take my make up off I dab it on my skin with a cotton wool pad and it stings the spots that are raw but really makes them feel relieved.

I have researched the properties of Witch Hazel and it helps tighten the skins pores which is bound to help us acne sufferers 🙂

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Lumpy spots causing me grief

The right side of my chin is really really getting me down at the movement. It’s incredibly hard to conceal as the spotty lumps are quite big and tall and become even more obvious with make up 😦 They sort of form little shadows making them more prominent 😦
I feel like my progress is going backwards but actually when I looked back over pictures on my Instagram account right from the beginning I’ve noticed the redness of my spots have definitely lessened…one positive ➕ ….horrah!
Bring on the end of this Hellish lifestyle…can’t cope anymore 😦

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Upping the dosage once again

Today I begin my third week on Roaccutane and will now be on three tablets once a day…that’s a whopping 60mg. I recon my side effects are going to get more prominent now 😞. I think my dosage will stay at 60mg for the foreseeable future until the wonderful day when I don’t have any more spots.
I’m on my way into town for a morning of castings then a modelling job this afternoon. Luckily this afternoons job is an eccomerce job for a well known UK brand-this means they will photograph me but chop my head off so they can pay less as it’s an unrecognisable modelling job. I have plastered on my make up but still don’t feel very confident. If I have time I am making my way to the make up artist shop ‘Screen Face’ for some new camouflage make up. After I’ve tested it out, I’ll let you know if it’s any good.
Have a lovely day y’all 😃 🙂